remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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