Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
