Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
