I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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