I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
