gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
