who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
