I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
