Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
