Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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