my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
