it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
