All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
