Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
