Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
