her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
