3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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