Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
