So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
