just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
