Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
