apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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