Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
