Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
