OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
