A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
