I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
