So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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