Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
