I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
