your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
