"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
