Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
