Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
