I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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