I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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