So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
