He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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