btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
