haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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