Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
