When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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