Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
