My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
