I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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