I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
