It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
