After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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