I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
