I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
