Ambien. No doubt about it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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