3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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