I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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