I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
