tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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